I don't think I've ever really mentioned on here or to many other people on the web that I suffer from clinical depression (or major depressive disorder); I've been diagnosed for a very, very, veeeery long time, and it's not often that it seriously affects me, and I don't share it because I don't think it defines me. But these past few days I've been severely depressed, and it's for that reason that I haven't been drawing, that I have no interest in drawing, and that I haven't been interacting with anyone.

Mostly because between all the laying around and random bouts of crying, I just don't have the energy. It's not really triggered by anything, there are just incredibly low points in my battle with depression, and this is one of them.

However, keep in mind that though I've been diagnosed for almost ten years, I've never written a suicide note, I've never cut myself and I haven't even considered suicide since sixth grade. I'm not giving out cries for attention or pity. I don't need them.

Just because I've been diagnosed with this doesn't mean I'm still not a normal person. It doesn't mean I'm 'emo' or 'goth' or that I'm trying to seem different or cool (God, I would never suffer through this just for the chance of being cool). It means I'm suffering from a disease, but I like to think I'm one of the few that has it under control, and without the help of medication. My severe episodes never last for more than a week at most. I know how to handle myself after so many years.

I decided to share this after a stamp I saw and after posted a musing on how quickly medication is doled out. Medication is USELESS without therapy. Medication is useless unless you're working to change the way you think, ESPECIALLY if you have depression or another mood disorder, or even an anxiety disorder.

Sometimes all you even need is therapy, someone that will help you rewire your thinking so that you aren't bringing yourself down. It's hard. Episodes still happen. But I feel so much better knowing that I'm not on meds. I'll take the artblock and lack of interest for a few days over being dependent on a pill to make me happy.