So, I bought a new computer yesterday, and so far I'm very happy with it. However, I didn't just go out and buy it on a whim (nor was it expensive). My old computer finally had a heart attack and died, and with it I lost everything I kept on there... so I'll be spending awhile trying to get back music/movies/pictures I had, though any artwork I was working on will have to be rescanned and started over. However, I'm not too worried about that; I wasn't actively working on any artwork or any stories, and though I lost some things that would have been nice to have now, I'm not heartbroken or panicking.

Plus, it's nice to have an updated computer, one that can hopefully handle Mabinogi and the Sims3 and not have a heart attack. It took awhile to get my computer hooked up to the internet, but I have all of my basics back.

On another note, the past week I've been very... moody. I haven't felt like talking to anyone or doing anything, and I've had a shorter temper than usual, especially concerning a certain person I talk to. Now, I know she has a deviantart, and I'm not sure if she reads my journals or anything anymore, but I wanted to extend an apology to her, especially after yesterday.

I want to explain that though I do get snippy, and I do get disagreeable and passive aggressive, It's not because I'm very angry with her (or anyone else if I snap at you at some point too). I go through time periods where I lose interest or my patience becomes shorter than usual, and I start to take things very personally.

I know it's a bit ridiculous, and at times it may even seem clingy, but I don't want to irritate anyone or cause them distress. For some reason, possibly because I've had trouble with friends before, I immediately get defensive if I get even the smallest hint that they aren't that interested in interacting with me at some point. I know it may be because they're busy, or want to do something else, but because I've had bad experiences with those situations I become passive aggressive.

I usually try to make it seem like I could care less about what they're doing, or I automatically try to make them feel guilty and I know it isn't right. But it's something I've grown used to doing, and even though it doesn't make me feel better (in fact it just makes me more frustrated), I can't stop it. I've tried, but even with the littlest prompting I snap.

So I'm taking responsibility for my faults and apologizing, even though in the back of my mind I still think it's justified... I don't want ruin anything. A terrible apology I know, and even though I'm frustrated and paranoid, it's not worth losing someone I've known for almost three years, maybe more.

I think we need to set time aside and just bitch about each other and figure out what to do to fix it, but... oh well.

Excuse the title, I've been off today. xD

::: ABOUT YOU:::
1.) I like: Eating... but it doesn't mean I'm fat.
2.) I like: Learning weird dances like Yaranaika, Tunak Tunak Tun, etc... but it doesn't mean I can do them. lol
3.) I like: Sleeping... but it doesn't mean I'm lazy.
4.) I like: having lucid dreams... but it doesn't mean they don't scare me. ; A;
5.) I like: being in Band... but it doesn't mean I'm a loser.

::: ABOUT YOUR FANDOM :::
1.) I like: Yomi... but it doesn't mean I hate Kurama for what he did to him.
2. ) I like: when guys AREN'T paired together... but that doesn't mean I'm against it.
3. ) I like: Chococat... but that doesn't mean I'm a girly girl.
4. ) I like: writing fanfiction about my fandoms... but it doesn't mean I write mary-sue romances.
5. ) I like: The Misadventures of Flapjack... but that doesn't mean I'm sometimes not creeped out by it, lol.

::: GENERAL ANIMOSITY :::
1. ) I do NOT like: rules that don't serve a real purpose... but that doesn't mean I'm an anarchist.
2. ) I do NOT like: talking to people... but that doesn't mean I'm a snooty bitch or a brooding emo/goth.
3. ) I do NOT like: ONIONS... but that does not mean I'm out the destroy the whole onion population.
4. ) I do NOT like: When my friends complain about guy problems... but that doesn't mean I won't help them.
5. ) I do NOT like: my nose... but that doesn't mean I'll ever get it changed.

::: FANDOM ANIMOSITY :::
1.) I do NOT like: TWILIGHT... but that doesn't mean I'll hate on the fans.
2.) I do NOT like: People that hate characters because they like a character the reader/viewer does... there's no exception to this. REALLY? GROW. UP.
3. ) I do NOT like: a series full of filler episodes... a long series doesn't equal a good one. Don't try to stretch it out.
4. ) I do NOT like: bashfics... really, you wrote a whole story to bash on a character and make them WORSE than they actually are?
5. ) I do NOT like: when people complain about originality... it's not the big picture, but the way it's painted that matters.

::: FRIENDS PLEASE & THANK YOU :::
1. )Marlene... we annoy each other sometimes, but I know that when the time comes, we'll be bitching about the same things.
2. )Cassandra... my fellow ranter and badminton champ <3
3. )Isaac... for letting me laugh at your efforts to roller blade.
4. )...for letting me rant at you, lol. I know I do it a lot.
5. )... for putting up with me for so long.
6. )My Mabi guild... for simply being amazing. ; A;

::: TOP LOVE :::
1. ) Zours
2. ) Halloween
3. ) Chriiiiistmaaaas
4. ) Being able to relax
5. ) learning new, mostly random things.

::: TAG A SUCKER :::
1. ) You
2. ) and you
3. ) AND YOU!
4. ) You too!
5. ) Sardines.

So, I'm not as sick as I was a few days ago (though I'm a little more gaggy then I was before). My nose still runs constantly, and I'm still incredibly stressed.

My mom doesn't help, she makes such a big deal out of the littlest things lately and I wish she'd just think and stop rambling every time she has a question. You don't need to give me a whole frickin' story, just tell me what's bugging you and get on with it.

I've also been down because I'm getting sick of school, mostly because I'm more irritable lately, which is caused by the fact that I'm having RP back-up and I'm getting anxious to move on with it already. Not to mention my fucking Halloween costumes, which i no longer have no passion for or confidence in.

It's incredibly frustrating. I've gotten so desperate to get something down I've started looking at group RPs -shudder-. And I can't tell my mom I've given up on the costumes, we've put a lot of money into them.

I've got a completely retarded concert this Wednesday, a football game Friday, and more bull shit in between. I relaxed a little when I was coloring earlier, but now I'm so irritable and anxious that I can't even play Hotel Dusk again, or any other game for that matter.

I just keep repeatedly clicking between dA, Gaia, Yahoo and Google and try to find something to distract myself. It isn't working.

-Gnaws hands off.-

So I caught a cold from being out in the cold rain all last week, and stayed home today. Then my mom pretty much induced a panic attack and now I'm moody and depressed. Random survey time.

YOUR BOY SIDE:

[X] you love hoodies
[X] you love jeans
[ ] dogs are better than cats
[X] it's hilarious when people get hurt and fall
[X] you've played with/against boys on a team?
[ ] shopping is torture
[X] sad movies suck
[ ] you own a XBOX
[ ] you played with Hot Wheels as a little kid
[ ] at some point in life you wanted to be a firefighter
[X] you owned a DS, PS2 or Sega
[X] you used to be obsessed with Power Rangers (DUDE, EVERY GIRL I KNEW LOVED POWER RANGERS. WHAT SHIT IS THIS?)
[ ] you watch sports on TV
[ ] gory movies are cool
[ ] you used to go to your dad for advice
[x] you have at least 1 trophy of a sport (Kay-rah-tay)
[ ] You used to play Yu-Gi-Oh .
[X] baggy sweat pants are nice to wear (Really, who made this? Girls wear these!)
[ ] it's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[X] green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. (This doesn't even have anything to do with gender!)
[ ] you love to go crazy and not care what other people think. (Also not gender specific! I'm starting to protest this survey.)
[X] sports are fun (Do you know how many girl sports there are? D<
[ ] you sometimes talk with food in your mouth. (Now guys are inherent slobs?)
[ ] you sleep at night with your socks on. (Like girls can't do this?)
[X] you have fished at least once (And girls can't fish either?)

TOTAL= 12

YOUR GIRL SIDE

[x] you like to shop (but it completely depends on the day)
[ ] you wear eyeliner
[x] you wear the color pink (Do you know how many guys wear pink? D< )
[ ] you go to your mom for advice
[x] you consider cheerleading a sport (Yes, I went there. Have you seen the shit they do? They're actually making them take things out because it's TOO DANGEROUS.)
[x] you hate wearing all black
[x] you like going to the mall (I people watch.)
[ ] you like getting manicures and/or pedicures
[x] you like wearing jewelery
[ ] you cried watching The Notebook (Lol. What be the Notebook?)
[ ] skirts are a big parts of your wardrobe
[ ] shopping is one of your favorite hobbies
[ ] you don't like the movie Star Wars (Booo. Boring movie is boring.)
[ ] you are/were in gymnastics (Um. Gymnastics was originally a sport for BOYS.)
[ ] it takes you around one hour to shower and get dressed
[ ] you smile a lot more than you should
[x] you have more than 10 pairs of shoes (mostly gym shoes.)
[x] you care about what you look like majority of the time (I'm a full believer that what you wear reflects who you are)
[x] you like wearing dresses
[X] you like wearing body spray/deodorant
[ ] you like high heel shoes
[x] you used to play with dolls as a kid
[ ] you like putting makeup on others
[ ] you like being the star of almost everything

TOTAL: 11

Boy - 12
Girl - 11

Pretty even. BUT THIS SURVEY IS COMPLETELY SEXIST AND INACCURATE. I don't recommend it.

Because the design will keep changing every time they see ANYTHING. I think I've mentioned my plans for Halloween costumes this year, and essentially it's four costumes with the same basic design and different details.

However, the basic design and where the details go keep changing, not to mention the ones added and taken out. And the fabric. D8

I think I've changed the designs about five times, and I still don't feel I'm happy with it. Gaaah! Especially when I come on here and browse... I see things that make me want to tweak my designs, and I have to stop myself, because we've already started cutting the fabric to certain patterns and such.

...When we start finishing the bases of the costumes, I'll try to take pictures and see what you guys think.