This survey I found really interesting, so I stole it from .

x = Somewhat-(uncomfortable)
xx = Greater-(getting anxious)
xxx = Huge-(Enormous Crippling Holy Monkey-Pellet Fear)

[] Achluophobia - Fear of darkness.
[x] Acrophobia - Fear of heights.
[] Agliophobia - Fear of pain.
[] Agoraphobia - Fear of open spaces or crowds.
[xx] Aichmophobia - Fear of needles or pointed objects.
[] Amaxophobia - Fear of riding in a car.
[] Androphobia - Fear of men.
[] Anginophobia - Fear of angina or choking.
[] Anthrophobia - Fear of flowers.
[x] Anthropophobia - Fear of people or society.
[] Aphenphosmphobia - Fear of being touched.
[x] Arachnophobia - Fear of spiders
[] Arithmophobia - Fear of numbers.
[] Astraphobia - Fear of thunder and lightning.
[] Ataxophobia - Fear of disorder or untidiness.
[] Atelophobia - Fear of imperfection.
[] Atychiphobia - Fear of failure.
[] Aulophobia - Fear of flutes.
[] Autophobia - Fear of being alone.


B
[] Bacteriophobia - Fear of bacteria.
[] Barophobia - Fear of gravity.
[x] Bathmophobia - Fear of stairs or steep.
[] Batrachophobia - Fear of amphibians.
[] Bibliophobia - Fear of books.
[] Botanophobia - Fear of plants.


C
[] Cacophobia - Fear of ugliness.
[] Catoptrophobia - Fear of mirrors.
[] Chionophobia - Fear of snow.
[] Chromophobia - Fear of colors.
[] Chronomentrophobia - Fear of clocks.
[] Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces.
[] Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns.
[] Cyberphobia - Fear of computers.
[] Cynophobia - Fear of dogs.


D
[] Dendrophobia - Fear of trees.
[] Dentophobia - Fear of dentists.
[] Domatophobia - Fear of houses.
[x] Tychiphobia - Fear of accidents.

E
[] Ecophobia - Fear of the home.
[] Elurophobia - Fear of cats.
[] Ephebiphobia - Fear of teenagers.
[] Equinophobia - Fear of horses.


G
[] Gophobia - Fear of marriage.
[] Genuphobia - Fear of knees.
[] Globophobia - Fear of balloons.
[xx] Glossophobia - Fear of speaking in public.
[] Gynophobia - Fear of women


H
[] Heliophobia - Fear of the sun.
[] Hemophobia - Fear of blood.
[] Herpetophobia - Fear of reptiles.
[x] Hydrophobia - Fear of water.

I
[] Itrophobia - Fear of doctors.
[] Insectophobia - Fear of insects.
[] Ichithyophobia - Fear of fish


K
[] Koinoniphobia - Fear of rooms.


L
[] Lekophobia - Fear of the color white.
[x] Lilapsophobia - Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.
[] Lockiophobia - Fear of childbirth.
[] Mageirocophobia - Fear of cooking.
[] Melanophobia - Fear of the color black.
[] Microphobia - Fear of small things.
[] Mysophobia - Fear of dirt and germs.

N
[xxx] Necrophobia - Fear of death or dead things.
[] Noctiphobia - Fear of the night.
[] Nosocomephobia - Fear of hospitals.

O
[] Obesophobia - Fear of gaining weight
[] Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8.
[] Ombrophobia - Fear of rain.
[] Ophidiophobia - Fear of snakes.
[] Ornithophobia - Fear of birds.


P
[] Papyrophobia - Fear of paper.
[] Pathophobia - Fear of disease.
[] Pedophobia - Fear of children.
[] Philophobia - Fear of love.
[] Phobophobia - Fear of being afraid
[] Podophobia - Fear of feet.
[] Porphyrophobia - Fear of the color purple.
[] Pteridophobia - Fear of ferns.
[] Pteromerhanophobia - Fear of flying.
[] Pyrophobia - Fear of fire.


S
[] Scolionophobia - Fear of school.
[] Selenophobia - Fear of the moon.
[x] Sociophobia - Fear of social evaluation.
[] Somniphobia - Fear of sleep.


T
[] Tachophobia - Fear of speed.
[] Technophobia - Fear of technology.
[] Tonitrophobia - Fear of thunder.
[xx] Trypanophobia - Fear of injections.

V-Z
[] Venustraphobia - Fear of beautiful women.
[] Verminophobia - Fear of germs.
[] Wiccaphobia - Fear of witches and witchcraft.
[] Xenophobia - Fear of strangers
[] Zoophobia - Fear of animals

I could leave it at that, but I think it's more interesting when people go in depth (plus it leaves room for discussion if people feel like it). So I'll pick a few to talk about.

Aichmophobia/Trypanophobia: Actually, when I was younger, I wasn't bothered by needles or injections. But as time went on, they started freaking me out more and more, and at one point it was an hour long ordeal to draw blood. I still don't know why I became so afraid of them.

Bathmophobia: Steep drops have always bothered be, but I'm also afraid of falling down the stairs, so I get really nervous when I have to use them; in fact, I won't use a staircase if my hands aren't free, or if I can't hold the railing. But it doesn't leave me a crying mess.

Hydrophobia: I can't say that I'm afraid of ALL water. But I don't like swimming in oceans, lakes or rivers. Not only am I afraid of drowning in them, but I'm also afraid of the things that I can't see in them. Since it's not a fear of just water, I didn't give it many x's.

Necrophobia: This is a fear that I have had for a LONG time. I used to think that life was more like a story book, but then one day it suddenly hit me that dying... ugh. I cried for two hours, and if I think about it too I start sobbing hysterically. I actually had an assignment where they asked about what age I'd like to be when I die, and I wrote "I don't want to talk about this, I have Necrophobia". lol. I refuse to process those thoughts.

I didn't do anything special for New Year's eve (in terms of partying); just went out for dinner at Wildfire, went home, almost missed 12 AM.

Of course, I started off the actual first day of the New Year getting a terrible migraine and spending half of the day sick because of it. It made me very nauseous and ugh...

Not a successful start to 2010. Howeverrrr... I have no resolutions, but I will try very hard to draw more often.

In other news, Supii (my character) got married to Tilve on Mabinogi today.
Maybe I'll draw a picture. Or of some of my guild in bubbles (it's a favorite past-time, floating in bubbles).

I'm sick again, probably because of the changing weather again, and instead of staying home again I actually attempted to go to school for the full week (mostly because of the band concert I had yesterday, but... I'm too embarrassed of things that happened there that I won't go any further on THAT subject). Sadly, I ended up getting very sick at school today and I had to go home early. At the moment I'm partly distracted by the Flapjack holiday special, and I'm wondering why the Chowder episode wasn't its Christmas one...

Anyway, lately I've been completely focused on Pride and Prejudice, since we have to read it for AP English. I'll admit that I started off the book not expecting to be very interested in it, but we're only supposed to be on chapter 10 and I'm nearly done with the whole book. For some reason, I'm enjoying the book, even if sometimes I have trouble understanding it because I can't focus on the excessively long, rambling sentences. I guess it's because the central romance is actually justified and believable (have I mentioned I really don't like romance?).

I think if Meyer wanted a proper conflict for her completely unbelievable romance, she would have been better off looking to Pride and Prejudice than her wet dream.

I'll probably end up watching the movie this weekend, or tonight even if I can find it somewhere, to get a better idea of everything that's going on by being able to really see the characters (I'm not that stupid that I really don't understand it, but sometimes seeing it acted out in front of you makes it easier to remember; at this point I won't remember any real details).

I'm actually using this journal time as an interval in my reading so I can focus. Poor Lydia is living with a man out of wedlock and I want to seem them find that idiot and set her straight. In fact, it's a wonder how different the times are because MY first thought was that he was going to kill her and leave her in a ditch like what happens all the time now. It never crossed my mind that it was just a scandal for her family that she was pretty much acting like a prostitute.

...Nice going, Lydia.

Edit// I'm now typing like I'm halfway in the 17th century. Someone shoot me.

After every episode I have, I end up having this surreal sense of calm; everything that bothered me, I don't care about anymore. I'd give anything to have this kind of feeling without the bout of depression. That's not to say that I'm not irritable, because I'm always irritable, lol. But I can safely say that the little things aren't bringing me down as far.

I'm still incredibly tired all the time and I think it's because my sister got everyone sick, so I still feel no motivation to really draw or write (the fact that I keep putting off reinstalling my tablet isn't helping either).

But at this point, I don't care if people disappear (with reason or without), or if they don't show up like they said they would. I don't need them, I'll just float along to the next thing.

Like reading The Hobbit, or something.

I don't think I've ever really mentioned on here or to many other people on the web that I suffer from clinical depression (or major depressive disorder); I've been diagnosed for a very, very, veeeery long time, and it's not often that it seriously affects me, and I don't share it because I don't think it defines me. But these past few days I've been severely depressed, and it's for that reason that I haven't been drawing, that I have no interest in drawing, and that I haven't been interacting with anyone.

Mostly because between all the laying around and random bouts of crying, I just don't have the energy. It's not really triggered by anything, there are just incredibly low points in my battle with depression, and this is one of them.

However, keep in mind that though I've been diagnosed for almost ten years, I've never written a suicide note, I've never cut myself and I haven't even considered suicide since sixth grade. I'm not giving out cries for attention or pity. I don't need them.

Just because I've been diagnosed with this doesn't mean I'm still not a normal person. It doesn't mean I'm 'emo' or 'goth' or that I'm trying to seem different or cool (God, I would never suffer through this just for the chance of being cool). It means I'm suffering from a disease, but I like to think I'm one of the few that has it under control, and without the help of medication. My severe episodes never last for more than a week at most. I know how to handle myself after so many years.

I decided to share this after a stamp I saw and after posted a musing on how quickly medication is doled out. Medication is USELESS without therapy. Medication is useless unless you're working to change the way you think, ESPECIALLY if you have depression or another mood disorder, or even an anxiety disorder.

Sometimes all you even need is therapy, someone that will help you rewire your thinking so that you aren't bringing yourself down. It's hard. Episodes still happen. But I feel so much better knowing that I'm not on meds. I'll take the artblock and lack of interest for a few days over being dependent on a pill to make me happy.