So, I bought a new computer yesterday, and so far I'm very happy with it. However, I didn't just go out and buy it on a whim (nor was it expensive). My old computer finally had a heart attack and died, and with it I lost everything I kept on there... so I'll be spending awhile trying to get back music/movies/pictures I had, though any artwork I was working on will have to be rescanned and started over. However, I'm not too worried about that; I wasn't actively working on any artwork or any stories, and though I lost some things that would have been nice to have now, I'm not heartbroken or panicking.

Plus, it's nice to have an updated computer, one that can hopefully handle Mabinogi and the Sims3 and not have a heart attack. It took awhile to get my computer hooked up to the internet, but I have all of my basics back.

On another note, the past week I've been very... moody. I haven't felt like talking to anyone or doing anything, and I've had a shorter temper than usual, especially concerning a certain person I talk to. Now, I know she has a deviantart, and I'm not sure if she reads my journals or anything anymore, but I wanted to extend an apology to her, especially after yesterday.

I want to explain that though I do get snippy, and I do get disagreeable and passive aggressive, It's not because I'm very angry with her (or anyone else if I snap at you at some point too). I go through time periods where I lose interest or my patience becomes shorter than usual, and I start to take things very personally.

I know it's a bit ridiculous, and at times it may even seem clingy, but I don't want to irritate anyone or cause them distress. For some reason, possibly because I've had trouble with friends before, I immediately get defensive if I get even the smallest hint that they aren't that interested in interacting with me at some point. I know it may be because they're busy, or want to do something else, but because I've had bad experiences with those situations I become passive aggressive.

I usually try to make it seem like I could care less about what they're doing, or I automatically try to make them feel guilty and I know it isn't right. But it's something I've grown used to doing, and even though it doesn't make me feel better (in fact it just makes me more frustrated), I can't stop it. I've tried, but even with the littlest prompting I snap.

So I'm taking responsibility for my faults and apologizing, even though in the back of my mind I still think it's justified... I don't want ruin anything. A terrible apology I know, and even though I'm frustrated and paranoid, it's not worth losing someone I've known for almost three years, maybe more.

I think we need to set time aside and just bitch about each other and figure out what to do to fix it, but... oh well.